> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> previous 20 entries

May 17th, 2005

(Leave a comment)

November 28th, 2004

06:54 pm - paper writing avoidance this is my update: i am dating said boy. his name is matthew. he is the best boy i have ever met in my life. he is beautiful. i am the luckiest girl i have ever met in my life. the semester is almost over. and then i will spend all my time not writing papers. but kissing said boy. and all my girlfriends. because they're the best girls i have ever met in my life. and you should all be jealous of my life. nice update, amanda. seriously. Current Mood: happy Current Music: decemberists- red right ankle

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

August 23rd, 2004

09:27 pm - moment of self-righteousness: today was my first stomach ache of a day at rockford college, student body of less than 800 undergraduate students who all seem as though they've been scraped off the grill of a mack truck or two only to be reassembled sans the grey matter left splattered on whatever highway. there are about ten boys in the entirety of this lackluster population, all of whom are total dudes, complete with vacant stares, backwards baseball caps, and the ability to give me the urge to run up to them, throwing my hand in the air for a high five, while screaming, "Dude! Man, did you see Nomar's homer last night, it was totally awesome, let's go grab a burger, man." good thing i'm a cubs fan. maybe it's just a bit of a shock, coming from knox. i can't imagine a school more left-leaning and dude-lacking. i didn't hear so much as one person say something about being jewish today! in one of my classes, the syllabus claims we have a day devoted to talking about what "simile" means. not to mention a day for "allusion", "metaphor", "syntax", and so on... this really blond, really tan girl came wandering in about ten minutes late to said class, her face plastered with the harsh reality of a life spent in obvious stupidity, wearing a shirt that said "i'm lost! please return me to the nearest party!" first impressions. first day. maybe i'm just being a total cunt. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: mclusky- without msg i am nothing

(Leave a comment)

July 23rd, 2004

02:56 am - holla livejournal, word. anyway, connection to whatever knox world there ever was, hello hello hello. and goodbye goodbye goodbye. the story is that since my brother is no longer in college and my dad makes money and so on, knox wants some completely arbitrary but completely large amount of money for the privilege of continuing my education. aw, fuck, man. so, i'm not coming back, we know this, and i'm probably going to rockford college in the fall (my weasling abilities will come in handy when it comes to new scholarships and grants). but i'm pissed off that i can't afford an education, i'm pissed off that working hard isn't working hard for me, and i'm pissed off because it's awesome to be pissed off. the last two years then- what a fucking odd thing. ha ha, well if you're reading this then we at least spoke from time to time. or other things. or whatever. i'm bored and it's late. knox sure seems to lose a lot of people as the time goes on. it'll be weird if i come visit, to be the visitor. maybe i'll see it all in a completely different way, maybe i'll really wish i could come back or be really glad that i didn't. i guess it doesn't matter much one way or the other. i'm kind of tempted now to say a lot of the things i never had the balls to say back when. but maybe another time. man, i'll miss all the wanton college sex. and the free beer. Current Mood: rejected Current Music: i said rejected.

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

July 12th, 2004

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

May 26th, 2004

09:59 am - I'll win out. I'm going home on Friday morning, to two new houses, and John will be here Thursday at noon to help me start packing everything up. Two finals down, two to go. Fuck you, first half of college, fuck you. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: the fan is loud and loooooovely

(Leave a comment)

May 5th, 2004

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

April 22nd, 2004

(Leave a comment)

March 14th, 2004

04:41 am - re-post Spring break, walkmen french kicks, driving to iowa city, sunny day. We get there, the doors open at 9:00, and we go up to the venue. This place holds maybe 200 people. The stage was the height of my short knees, there was no security gap. My jaw automatically drops, and I keep thinking, god, in a venue like this, I must be seeing some shitty high school band, 'cause I wouldn't be able to get this close to anyone worthwhile. So wrong. There are some guys milling about the stage. So, these guys are the French Kicks. Oh, hey guys, what's up? So, we meet all of them, shake hands, stand around talking to the guitarist/keyboardist for a while. John says he was hitting on me, and I want to agree, but he was probably really just being friendly... The French Kicks is full of amazingly beautiful boys, I wanted to wrap myself around every one of them. They start to play after a moderately good intro band, and I realized finally why my brother would have sent me a French Kicks CD last year. Listening to them on CD is a little entertaining at time, a little fun, sometimes easy to roll your eyes at, but they are a live band... They put on one hell of a show, and their new stuff is promising. So, as they start to play, I am front and center, my knees banging up against the stage, I'm so close. (I have the bruises to prove it...) The singer (ohgod SO HOT) was half on stage, half off stage as he sang, standing about an inch from my face (literally, if I had stuck my tongue out, I would have licked him... it was tempting.) He leaned on my head while he sang a bit, he toussled my hair at one point, the cord from his damn mic was wrapped around my arm. This is to give you an idea how intimate of a show this was... Really, ridiculously intense. The Walkmen. Oh, the walkmen. I had no idea until last night. I have loved them from the word go, I have listened to them and bobbed my head along with the best of the bitter, sentimental types, but this is a band meant to be experienced live, and I couldn't have known the full force until then. So out they come, Hamilton (the lead singer, and the most. intense. simple. real. boy/celebrity-ish/man/person) trailing in last, launching right into "My Old Man" as their first song. To watch them, to watch him scream into that mic like the ideas are coming to him as he sings, was painfully good. The keyboards, the pianos, the drums... everything on target, everything intensified twentyfold by their phenomenal stage presence, and the fact that I could have counted the beads of sweat on Hamilton's face. He danced around, lost a shoe at one point, knocked over a couple of monitors, and lost his balance tripping on a cord, falling into me, grabbing my breast in doing so (I could have died happy at that, I tell you), and then squeezing my hand on the way back onto his feet... The gravelly quality of his voice was much more distinct live; his simple way of coming on stage, performing with every ounce of him, not for the audience but because he was just so fucking good at it, made him so original. He's not too cool to appreciate the audience, you know, not too jaded to see this sea of dancing fools as an anomaly, but he isn't caught up in it. I was so impressed by him, I can't even explain. After the show, after two encores, the band members were scraggling about trying to pack up, and I thanked the keyboardist and the drummer, feeling awe in a hopefully not-star-struck kind of a way. I'd never met anyone whose music I'd listened to prior to the show, much less music I loved like this. After a while, Hamilton comes out, standing around, and it takes a bit to work up the nerve to go up to him, shake his hand, and just thank him. I'm sure I sounded like a goddamn fool, telling him I'd been listening for a couple years, that the show was incredible and one of the most intense experiences of my life. Maybe he wanted to roll his eyes at me, but I had to thank him. Incredible; really incredible. The two slight drawbacks-- the vocals were not as loud as they should have been, and during "everyone who pretended to like me is gone," the crowd became near-violent in the ridiculous amounts of body thrashing taking place. But, the vocals were loud enough to appreciate (AND DID I MENTION THEY WERE INCREDIBLE??) and the violent throb only lasted for part of one song. One of the best nights of my life, no joke, and I can't stress how worth it they are. Hamilton is now my icon of what a true indie guy should be-- his own thing, whatever the hell it might be. A night full of incredible music, second-to-none performances, and men who would strike a fire in the loins of any warm blooded woman (men who touched me in many ways, mind you)... I think it's my version of paradise. Time for dreams that won't even compare. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: guess.

(Leave a comment)

March 11th, 2004

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

February 14th, 2004

01:11 am - friday night??? OH MY GOD why am i so bored. Current Mood: bored Current Music: tv, tv, tv

(Leave a comment)

February 12th, 2004

01:48 pm - secaucus-y I signed up for next term's classes today; a couple french classes, a modern drama class, and a physics of music class. Damn requirements... But I have no class on Thursdays, which is a beautiful thing. This means I can stay up all hours on Wednesday nights, which is so unlike the present. Damn people and their 2 am conversations about sex and masturbation (aw, damn, you know I liked it). Really, what else do we talk about around here? Not that I'm complaining, everyone knows my weakness. On another note, I got the Wrens album Secaucus for my birthday. Very hard to find album, it's out of print, and it's the best birthday present ever. I had an obsession with the Meadowlands (their last album) all of winter break, and now I can transfer that sick idolatry onto Secaucus. Sweet. Go buy yourself some Wrens albums, it will make your life a thing more worth living. Last note- I am changing my screen name to jane throws down (not a reference to money, the end.) Now time to see what a horny mood icon looks like: Current Mood: horny Current Music: the wrens- i married sonja

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

January 29th, 2004

11:33 am - mustardayonnaise A big thanks to three basement-dwelling Jewish boys who cheered me up with some Mr. Show last night, when I really needed some cheering up. Sure, they did it for themselves, too, (it is a funny show, after all...) but still. Hef, I'll come to you for some long sleeve flapping when I'm feeling glum. But man, I got my ass kicked several times in air hockey. What happened to all my mad skill? Grumble. Anyway, time for lunch. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: summer is singing.

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 22nd, 2004

09:12 pm - THURSDAY I've done all my reading for tomorrow, I've spent time writing in my real journal, I've written in both of my other online journals, and this is the last place to go. May as well. WVKC isn't coming in right now. Hmm. This morning, everyone seemed to have stories to tell me about what she did last night. It had a different feel to it, I have to admit, maybe every night should be someone's birthday. Although, I am still jealous of the 21+ crowd, not because of the alcohol perk, maybe slightly because of the gambling perk (man, I am so going to bet the shirt off my back one of these days), but mostly because they can get into bars with mechanical bulls. I have had my eye on that thing for over a year now... Whoa, hey, that makes me sound pretty lame. Eh, why pretend? Nathalie took me on a date tonight, mexican food after shopping, and on the walk back to the dorm her 12 pack of diet coke decided to split open with an explosion of pop everywhere. Fantastic. Man, I think I was a little too amused by this. Then we just sang an old Bodeans song too loud and out of key all the way up to our suite, because, you know, that's a funny thing to do. Nathalie is my neighbor, I will lend her sugar any day. Why am I so bored. Current Mood: bored Current Music: The Wrens- Everyone Choose Sides

(Leave a comment)

January 12th, 2004

04:27 pm - Just for kicks. HOLY SHIT, LIVEJOURNAL!!!! Damn, I just about forgot all this. I have the urge to make up some really ridiculous Knox gossip to write about, considering that is the only reason anyone would read this, but I'd probably make some people hate me in the meantime. Aw, hell, being liked is overrated. Well, anyway, being back at Knox is pretty much EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT WAS SEVEN WEEKS AGO. God, that's a lie. I felt settled in very quickly, at any rate. Something needs to happen to spice this mub up. I want to break into the pool again sometime, but it was so ridiculously difficult last time. What do we have to do around here? Small town= college students obsessed with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Fuck, I got that wrong- college students= obsessed with drugs, alcohol, and sex. PSH. Short skirt twister would sure help right about now. Current Mood: exanimate Current Music: what the FUCK is exanimate, and who uses that word?

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

December 17th, 2003

(Leave a comment)

December 8th, 2003

(Leave a comment)

November 30th, 2003

11:35 pm - Don't kid yourself. I had a surprisingly good Thanksgiving. I have five little cousins, four boys and one girl. Three of them, brothers, are boys I used to babysit every single night after school. They were like brothers to me, or maybe even children of my own; at least the baby, as he was only about 6 months old when I started this gig. They're now 3, 4 and 8 years old, named Tait, Tristan, and Ian, respectively. Ian was always something like my protogé, or so I like to believe, as I was there with him every day for a year when he was 5. I helped him learn how to write, how to read, and I have missed him and his brothers so goddamn much, I didn't even realize. He kept hugging me on Thanksgiving, and telling me that he loves me. I cried a million internal tears of gratitude, I did. Tait and Tristan are almost the same size, regardless of the age difference, and I think Tait is going to be one hell of a linebacker some day. He could beat the shit out of me, I think, and he is only 3. He's pretty incredible. Tristan is the most good tempered child ever. He laughs at everything. These kids made my year, let alone just my day. My grandma, little fat old Sicilian woman that she is, is one hell of a funny lady. She told me about a swearing match that she got into with my little cousins, and how their mother doesn't like her much for it. Imagine a 250 pound, 4'11", gap-toothed old woman swearing back and forth with a set of little boys, all of them laughing maniacally the whole while. Priceless, I tell you. Also, she wrote me a check for one hundred dollars, quite randomly. She doesn't have money, she never has, so this is above and beyond the call of grandmotherly duty. Also, my brother was home for four days and we stayed up until five in the morning on the first night he was here, talking about and listening to every bit of music we could muster up. He needs to send me all of his new stuff, and I forgot to burn him the CDs from the radio station that I liked. I've been obsessed with The Wrens since he sent me Meadowlands. We apparently disagree about some things these days, not music, but maybe some politics, maybe some movies. We went to the Shedd Aquarium today, which was great minus the part where I felt ridiculously sick to my stomach the whole time, and also the fact that we then left my big brother behind back the good ol' U of C. I did fall in love with Chicago all over again, though, and I think you kids who live in the Windy City should have me come paint that town red with you. Fin. Current Mood: tired Current Music: The Wrens- She Sends Kisses

(Leave a comment)

November 24th, 2003

09:34 pm - ReRockford I never thought I would live to see the day where I would MISS being at Knox. But, miss it I do, even though I have been home for a mere 6 hours. Ho hum. Rockford is a little mocking, its damn Walgreens on every corner, and I think everyone I have ever really disliked lives in this city. My cat and I had a good meowing match together when I got home. He jumped up on me, staring, and just started screaming in my face. What's a girl to do but scream back? That cat understands me, I swear it. Also, my dad took me out to eat the second he got home from work, and we had some really amazing Indian food. So many different bowls of random things, I don't know half of what I ate, but every bit of it was incredible. It's been forever since I have had food with actual flavor, and I think I could have eaten it forever. The first thing I did when I got home- cleaned. The second thing, looked at all the changes to the apartment. It's amazing how many little, normal changes to a place can compound to make it seem like an entirely alien space. Plus, this place always smells so distinctly whenever I come back, but it fades very quickly. My dad has some obsession with those plug in air fresheners... Thanksgiving is coming up, and it will be the first one in a few years without John there. I am nervous to see him, and I am anticipating a relatively unsettling holiday season; I'm so used to him being there with me at all the family functions. Oh, high school relationships that end like divorces...!!! Sigh, onto next thought. Knox lets me not think about this, also. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Cat Power- Speak for Me

(Leave a comment)

November 16th, 2003

01:31 pm - In the cold November... drizzle And so I think I am finally able not to take myself seriously. The funny part is when I start to take nothing seriously, and subsequently fuck it all up. Oh, yes, this means I still have not started my research paper, and I haven't even thought about my finals. Word. I'm looking forward to winter break now, for a plethora of reasons, but I have to admit that Knox has its strong points which I will miss dearly. I don't socialize at home anything like I do here, and Knox gets a confused A+ on that front. I dreamt about almost everyone here last night, and just about no one was happy. What. On a happy note, Summer cleaned her side of the room. I just about orgasmed when I saw it. But that's just me. Current Mood: hopeful

(Leave a comment)